Where am I going

Hi Lovelies,

Just bear with me on this.

I started this blog as a means of becoming accountable for my weight loss, almost as a way of keeping me on track with my progress.

Through the past few years, this blog has been a constant and although I haven’t always posted on a regular basis in recent times, it has always been there at the back of my mind as a measuring tool and reminder.

As this point in my healthy journey, there are no real goals to get to and no all-important stone bracket to fall into; mainly because I’m not looking at it that way anymore.

When I started this journey, it was to lose weight and get fitter, but that term ‘lose weight’ is now a difficult one for me. I don’t get on the scales anymore mainly because I never liked the fact that they could either make or break my day and my emotions were so tied to that little (or big) number staring back at me.

Now I just try to see it as a whole and live healthier overall, with a more balanced lifestyle. But that means the measurable goal kinda goes out the window. I don’t want a goal weight, I don’t have a goal body shape and I don’t have a goal fitness to get to, which makes this whole process a lot harder.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this but I guess I just want to get it all out there to help me understand it.

Here’s what I know for definite:

  1. I’m still trying to eat healthy and enjoy cooking
  2. I’m still trying to build my fitness and enjoy challenging myself
  3. I love feeling healthier and lighter and it has changed my life

So those are all really good things.

But I suppose this blog was never designed to capture the end of my journey, of course, my journey will never be over, as its a constant process I have to work at every day. But for me, because of that, it makes it hard to know what path to go down when writing my posts.

So I’ve decided to try and stress less about what you might want to read, and just write about what I want, whether its interesting or not. (sorry haha)

At the end of the day, this is my blog and writing it makes me feel good. Knowing this is my corner of the internet makes me feel better and puts a warm blanket around me to tell me that everything’s going to be ok.

So, this year, I am going to focus more on what’s best for me instead of pandering to other people, which I’m sure you lovelies would want me to do anyway. There’s no point in doing anything if its not what you really want to do.

So here goes!

Off to the gym later for a good sweat!

Speak soon lovelies! xx


Reminding myself of how far I’ve come

OK, so it’s time for a little self love which I feel is way overdue if I do say so myself.

We all go around shouting body positivity and saying fuck what everyone else thinks. You are you and you are unique, so it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks…Right?

But how many of you actually believe that? How many of you appreciate what you are both inside and out? I don’t, I’ll be honest, but I’m trying.

I fall foul of this and say I appreciate what I’ve achieved but its been that slow a process for the last 12 months or so, that I seem to have forgotten just how damn hard I have worked over the past 3 years to get where I am now.

So without further delay,here are a few of my old pics and a few new ones mixed in too, just to show both you and myself how far I have come and how much progress I’ve made.

Hopefully this will help you as much as I’m hoping it will me.

I definitely recommend this to anyone who feels complacent with their diet or healthy lifestyle and I do try not to call it a diet because it shouldn’t be. But we restrict ourselves if we have a particularly heavy weekend with the booze or food and we shouldn’t.

The aim should be just to live healthier in general, not 4 days on and 3 days off. It doesn’t work that way.

Anyway I’m moving off topic here but what I’m trying to say is, if you are one of those who feel like they are trying to live healthier but are just going through the motions. Find a collection of photos both before, during and at the shape you are now and really look at them and take in everything you have achieved.

If you’re just starting your journey, then find a photo of you where you felt fantastic and use that as a goal to feel as good as you did in that photo. It doesn’t necessarily mean to lose a certain amount of weight but maybe to get better sleep, or learn to find new hobbies to do in your spare time or just to do more fun things that makes you happy.

Whatever it is, hold onto it and remind yourself how well you’re doing and that yes, you ARE ENOUGH.

Woah got a bit deep there.

Speak Soon lovelies, have a fab day!





Weekend Binge will NOT Threaten me!

Ok, so its Friday and that weekend binge is threatening to rear its ugly head.

I need to tell myself that I DO NOT WANT TAKEAWAY…Well I do but IT’S NOT WORTH IT!

I have eaten all of this beautiful food whilst on my journey…

FullSizeRender[1] IMG_6891-0 IMG_7569photo 2photo 1photo 4

…and I have made it all in a healthy way, so there is no reason to hit Just-Eat and order takeaway (I purposely haven’t linked to their site!). That’s Lazy.

I can make awesome food so tonight I plan on making some chicken tikka pittas so they’re like a healthy kebab. Here’s hoping Lee will like my idea and will enjoy them too.

Have a fab weekend lovelies and remember a treat is good but make sure it is of REASONABLE proportions and you can balance it out with exercise or healthy foods.

Bye for now!


Life’s hidden pathways

Yesterday was a good day. I went for a walk with my sister, mum and two nephews; just to blow off the cobwebs.

We ended up at the local cemetery of all places.

After our walking and talking about our lives and laughing and joking with Zachary and Kaden (my two whirlwind nephews), Yasmin (my older sister) went into the shop for some flowers to take to the cemetery. My mum joined her. I had left my purse at home as I didn’t realise we were going anywhere that I would need money, so I held the fort with Zac and Kaden (or rather watched them kick each other from the safety of their prams).

Anyway, we walked up the hill to the cemetery and I suddenly realised that it had almost been a year since I was last here; when my uncle died. Almost a year since the cause of my wake up call and jolt into reality that, if things didn’t change, then I would be going the same way.

I asked Yasmin if Zac knew what the place was and my mum perfectly explained, ‘ This is where the angels live isn’t it Zac?’  He responded with an automatic yes like he does when we ask him if he’s hungry.

We visited my grand parents and watched as my mum put down her flowers and tidied up. Then we made our way round to see the new headstone that had been placed on my uncle’s grave. It was beautiful. As I stared at the stone, I remembered the day he died and the whole reason I started on this healthy lifestyle path for the last time. I wondered what he would say if he were here, looking at me and my mum and what we have achieved in just less than a year.

Life can be cut short in an instant. We go through our routines in our daily lives but never really live each day to the fullest. This encounter reminded me of how much work I have put in this past year to become a happier and healthier version of myself and to enjoy life without the constraints of being out of breath constantly, for example. I only wish I had started this blog this time last year to document my progress and spur me on a bit. Over the next few posts, I will dig out some photos and post them to give a better idea of where I’ve come from and where I am so far, in the hope that it may inspire a few others to do the same.

My motivation for weight loss has not been for vanity; it is for my health and at pushing 22 stone and 5ft 5, that was at great risk. But now, I am 17 stone dead and although I have a long way to go, I am dead proud of how far I have come in less than a year.

Anyone can diet but to truly change your entire lifestyle; a learned and routine behaviour that you have probably been in for most of your life; that is really hard. I still find it hard and am by no means preaching how fantastic I am because I am still morbidly obese.I still have a long way to go but this small victory means a lot to me and encourages me to keep going, not only for my family, but for me.