Why hello my little squishy pets of loveliness! (Sorry, trying something new)
As it’s Wednesday, I would ordinarily be going to Slimming World; however, if you read my post on Monday, you’ll know that I’m taking a break.
So, instead of sitting in image therapy for an hour, I thought I would do my own little Tasha therapy here.
Here are my Top 10 things I love doing now I’m 9 stone lighter
Being able to shop anywhere and buy something in my size
Wearing some of my old size 24 clothes and loving the snugglyness
The ability to walk uphill at a moderate pace without breaking a sweat
Learning to cook new meals and choosing new ingredients to spice them up!
No longer having ‘aggressive boobs’ as my step daughter puts it
Able to sleep on my back without feeling claustrophobic
I can actually plank for 1 minute 30 seconds now..WTF!
Feeling like a normal person who isn’t being stared at everywhere she goes
Being able to wear fitting clothes and not hide my figure
All of these combined make me feel like a new person; I love being able to walk down my local high street and not feel the dread that I used to feel wondering what people thought as I walked past. The constant pulling down of my top and pulling up of my jeans to make sure my belly wasn’t hanging out. Never having to worry about getting left behind whilst out walking with a friend or sibling, now I’m in front! Being able to shop anywhere I like and able to buy anything off the peg, even Topshop (their clothes are horribly expensive and I will never purchase from them at those prices however!).
I finally feel normal, whatever that’s supposed to be. I only ever wanted to look like everyone else, and, I know that’s the wrong way of putting it because I embrace individuality as much as the next person. But I felt like I stuck out and was an eyesore; I felt apologetic for looking the way I did and no one should ever feel that way.
I am learning to love myself and everything that I have in the present time, rather than thinking, ‘I’ll be happy when…’. It doesn’t work that way, we have to take the good with the bad and appreciate what we have already, not what we hope to have in the future.
So, in my current state, I love my waist, my eyes, my smile and I love my ever growing confidence that I can wear what I want and not feel silly.
Just wanted to touch base with you because I experienced something new last night.I went to the gym as normal and had nearly finished my cardio on the bike when a staff member came up to me. She said, ‘Just to let you know they’re starting an abs class by the mats in a few minutes if you would like to join in’. It was a bit of a coincidence because I was going to work out my stomach anyway.
So whilst on the last few minutes on the bike, I was trying to crane my neck round to see if there were any people of a larger size. When I finished I tentatively walked to the mats and to my horror there were two girls of quite a slim build; one of them looked like a bloody female Adonis! I very nearly walked off in the opposite direction but then checked myself and thought, ‘ I deserve to be here too!’. So I walked round where the personal trainer had already started with them and asked if I could join in. I had nothing to worry about because no one looked at me or laughed at me. Granted my poise was nowhere near the 2 girls next to me but I tried really quite hard!
We did all sorts of exercises that I have never done before and my body is aching today so I’m not looking forward to the 2 day ache! I stuck it out for 20 minutes until I had to leave as I was getting picked up. The trainer said they do them twice a day so I will definitely be giving it another go!
I just want to say don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something, especially YOU! If no one else is staring at you or pointing an accusatory finger, why should you do that to yourself and put yourself down?
I had thoughts of, ‘oh my god they’re so skinny I’ll never be able to keep up with them’ and ‘I bet they do really hard exercises that I have no hope of doing’. Proof dictates that just because someone is slim, they’re not always fit. I am probably fitter than some of the slim people I see walking around so there is no reason I should stereotype them either.
It’s not fair to tell yourself that you can’t do something. You are the one person you should be able to count on for support; without that, you have nothing.
So next time you have doubts about your ability, check yourself and force those inner demons back down. You are so much more capable than you realise but only you can knock those barriers down and fight for your body.
I thought I would do something a bit different today as I felt it was important to talk about it given how I’ve been feeling lately. I feel like I am forgetting how I used to feel when I was 22 stone and want to touch base a bit both with myself but also with you guys too.
Those who know me well will know that I have never been a confident person, despite posting pictures of myself at various weight loss stages. At school I was always the good friend, always the one who my friends would come to for advice and would always be the first to take the mick out of myself for my weight before anyone else could.
I was also battling with my identity as I am mixed race and being from a small town that was at the time, primarily white, it felt hard to be me. I was chubby and had the problem that all asian women have; facial hair! So I was a walking target for abuse and bullying really. Kids can be cruel.
Anyway I want to share with you some of my own fat shaming experiences that I have dealt with several times and had pushed to the back of my mind, until now.
I remember once when I got on the bus and went to sit on a bus seat right at the front. As soon as my bum touched the seat, it made an almighty crack sound that echoed down the bus. My face was burning with shame the entire journey home.
Being sat on a bus as it fills up and seeing people taking one look at me and fighting for other seats so they didn’t have to sit next to me. This would happen regularly. Or the other side, when I’m getting on a bus and try to sit as far off the end of the seat for fear of touching the person next to me in case they think I’m over-spilling on to them. I always got the feeling they thought I was disgusting just because I was fat.
Once I was walking home from school (I was about 14 years old) when a car full of teenage lads came up the road, slowed down and a projectile yoghurt pot was thrown at me, along with slurs of ‘fat cow’ and ‘lose some weight fatty’. This was horrible because I was on my own and walked into my house crying and hating myself for it thinking it was my fault for attracting the attention.
Countless times I have been out to eat with friends and looked at what they ordered then what I wanted to order and thought to myself, ‘what is wrong with me?Why do I eat so much food?’ I would then proceed to order something I didn’t want just to fit in.
This used to happen all the time. Walking anywhere on my own and hearing the sniggers, finger-pointing and whispering while I was just going about my business. This hurt the most because I was made to feel like a freak show just because I was fat.
Being watched by shop assistants as I browse through clothes. In my local New Look in particular, I felt like this. I could feel their eyes burning into my back as I would browse. They were clearly making sure I would find my way to the Inspire section, which by the way is tucked away in the shop so you feel like you’re looking at porn or committing some illegal act!
Just because I’m not pushing 22 stone anymore, doesn’t mean those insecurities aren’t still there; they’re deeply ingrained in my soul. I’m older and wiser now and my weight loss has definitely given me a helping hand in the confidence department. But I am still fat and that’s ok.
Women constantly compare themselves to others and wonder why we can’t look like that. We reach for those unattainable goals of perfection. Being fat shamed has taught me that people will always pick fault with you, even if they don’t know a thing about you. It’s our job to educate them and rise above the discrimination.
It is not a crime to be fat. We should all be proud of our body and every little bump it has. You only get one body so treat it right. Don’t let opinion influence how you live your life. I allowed it to dictate mine for a while in my teens but became so withdrawn at uni, it made for a horrible lonely experience at times.
We all have insecurities regardless of our size, so the next time you feel like you’re being treated badly because of the way you look, just think of this:
This is my first proper weigh in after being on holibobs to Egypt, which may I add was FANTASTIC! So much so that I didn’t want to come back to work. The weather, food and atmosphere was great and I would love to go back!
Anyway, this morning I got weighed and came in at 14 stone 1 lb. I got weighed on Saturday morning after I got back from Egypt on Thursday and weighed 13 st 12 3/4 lb so not sure whats happened there! I properly started back on the healthy band wagon on Monday as I was determined to eat the stuff I had missed while being on holiday,like Doritos and chocolate! (I know bad Tasha!)
I thought I would keep Wednesday as my weigh in day as that seemed the easiest thing to do but really I could have changed it to a Monday; it doesn’t really matter as I am going to try to not focus on it so much now.
I will have my measurements taken (I know I keep saying this but I will do it!) to have a better idea of how my body is changing. I really want to focus on tightening my skin up to pull my body in a bit as my arms are still quite loose. However, having said this, I must admit that I am really happy with my body at the moment. Being a size 16 suits me! 😉
I’m not saying I’m going easier on myself but I definitely feel less pressured to get the rest of the weight off in a rush. I’m not rushing, there’s no point because this is my life.
I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately about lifestyle changes and how to eat well while still staying healthy. It’s all about choosing foods that make you smile and that aren’t processed so you get the most nutrients out of them.
I realise how preachy I sound but I genuinely don’t mean to come across that way; I guess I’m just thinking out loud about my current situation with my body.
I want to love my body more in its current state and treat it like a princess. I want to wear clothes that maybe my body shape shouldn’t suit but wear them anyway. I want to promote loving your body no matter what shape it is and it’s just a shame that its only now that I feel happy with the way I look. I know its shallow but we all have our own opinions about our best self and for me, this is the happiest and most confident I have been my entire life. I played volleyball voluntarily whilst on holiday in 38ºC heat for gods sake and I would have NEVER done that before my weight loss (mainly because I would have passed out).
I was unhappy at 22 stone so decided to do something about it for me. Now at 14 stone and still classed as obese, I love how curvy I am now and want to flaunt it because I’ve worked hard for it! I am still eating as healthy as I can and exercising regularly, but the focus has shifted slightly to pull in my body, rather than what it says on the scales. I will still get weighed every week and post it here for you guys but will start posting more body pictures to show progress that way.
I’ve also decided to spend a bit of money on clothes now instead of going for the cheapest option because it wouldn’t fit me in a few months. Now my weight loss has slowed, I think it’s a good idea to buy some better quality stuff that will make me look nice rather than just as a temporary measure until I lose the next stone.
Here are a few of the outfits I am loving at the minute:
Sorry for the long post guys but I had a lot I wanted to say! So this next week I plan on continuing with the healthy eating and exercising and promise that next week I will have my measurements to hand for you to start measuring my progress that way. I’m off to look at my new pretty clothes and hope the weather clears up so I can wear them!
Well hello there lovelies! I’m back from
Egypt and had an epiphany. I like my squidgy body.This is hopefully the start of many body positive posts on my feed to promote body love no matter what your size.yes I have lost weight but I am happier with my body now than I have ever been and may not wish to lose much more weight as I feel comfy in my own skin finally after such a long time.whatever you decide to do,do it for yourself and no one else.we all end up in the same place anyway so may as well live life in style!
So in true Tasha form here I am posing in today’s clothes!
Today I am wearing comfy clothes as am still on holiday from work.The leggings are from Asda and jumper is from discount clothing company in Barnsley but I feel fab!